Monday, 10 September 2012

The Juggling Act

I just finished my first week back at work.  Hooo boy... was teaching always this hard, or had I just forgotten?  Maybe all those days of dealing with a baby and a preschooler, who are always finding new ways of making me lose my mind, painted teaching in a rosier hue.  Maybe it's getting up at 5 am to get myself and the kids ready before I drop them off for the day.  Maybe having two kids means that I have even less time to get done everything that NEEDS to get done.  Probably a combination of the above.  I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, and more keeps pouring in: preschool, daycare, nursery, housework... the list seems endless.  I'm not even one of those "super-moms" who works full-time, sits on the PAC, bakes all of her kids sugar-free goodies herself, and still makes it to the gym for her "me-time."

For me, working full-time means someone else takes my son to school and gets to meet his friends and connect with his teacher, I rarely bake (and then only if it's an instant mix), and, as far as I'm concerned, gym-time is not "me-time."  Gym time is something that sucks up my "me-time" and leaves me sweaty, tired and grumpy because now I have no time to sit down with a book and some chips.  Therefore, since I've started work, "gym-time" is extinct.

I spent an hour with my youngest son today, and most of it he spent eating dinner in his high chair.  I missed out on praying before bed with my oldest son because I was working on schoolwork on the computer, and when I went up to see him fifteen minutes later, he was sound asleep.  I leave work before I've gotten done, everything I want to get done, and I'm already stressing about how I'm going make it to all the after-school meetings I need to get to.  I've pretty much used up the free family babysitting, and I still owe my husband a date night for his birthday... and our anniversary.

This is reading more and more like a confession, and I'm not even sure what I'm confessing.  Inadequacy?  Can one even confess inadequacy when one never claimed to be adequate in the first place?  To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm writing this.  Perhaps, I'm hoping others understand; that I'm not the only one.  Or that someone has found the answer, and figured out the best way to balance it all.

No, scratch that.  If you've found the answer, I don't want to hear it.  Guaranteed: the answer will be to get involved in PAC, bake sugar-free treats, and get to the gym regularly.  ... la la la, I can't hear you over the sound of me chewing potato chips...